Learning to swim

Yup, at the age of three score years and ten I’ve decided it’s time I learned to swim, tried to do it a few years back, but it didn’t happen, but cos I’m going on holiday later to a hotel on the continent that has a swimming pool, I thought I’d best have another go.

Well off I went  and bought a fairly posh cozzie and a hat, the cozzie was OK but the hat soon filled up with water and came off. , oh well not to worry, just get on with the business of learning to swim. It looks so easy and effortless when you watch them on telly or whatever, but first I had to learn to get my feet off the bottom, not easy,  lie on your back, with your head back and your legs will just float up, NO, they didn’t but my ears filled up with cold water and it was the most awful sensation, where’s that new hat when I needed it, floating off down the dep end of course, well it can stay there, Next on your belly ma’am kick out your legs make a wide arc with your arms and you’ll be swimming, NO, it didn’t happen, so we got one of these bendy shaped polystyrene tubes that go round your middle, great it held me up but my legs dangled down just like a worm on a hook, but with a bit of perseverence I flapped and puffed my way at least 4 feet to the edge, I only panicked once on the last foot, I just couldn’t seem to get any closer, HELP I felt I was on the Titanic without a lifeboat. After an hour we called it a day, but, I shall be back hopefully managing to splash back to the edge from 6 feet away, watch this space,

PS anybody want a swimming hat?

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